#sorry I have a lot of anxiety and a lot of issues quite frankly

[itspileofgoodthings]

Finished my book really fast (for me), now I remember why I hate doing that, because I kind of hate endings and they make me sad 😭

[mischievouslittlecreature]

You know what? I've gone out of my way to be nice. I've acknowledged that mob mentality and manipulation were at work. I've reached out to some of the people who were direct victims of Mr. McCreepy and his actions to check in on them and to extended my well wishes. I have made an effort not to victim blame or question anyone's experiences over what has happened.

But I do not appreciate my own experiences being questioned and belittled. No, he did not hurt me nearly as directly as he did many of you. But that does not change that he created an extremely hostile, unwelcoming, and anxiety inducing environment for myself, and many other people, simply because we happened to like a character that he didn't.

Many of you are missing the point. It was not simply because he disliked Grace that so many were turned off or upset by his behavior. It was because he went out of his way to comment on posts--like gifsets or textposts--spouting nasty things about her, purposefully picking fights with her fans, and openly bullying people for liking her or for trying to defend themselves when he burst onto their lovely gifs or other content they'd created spewing hated. That was the problem. And that's not even going into the issue that a lot of his posts on Grace crossed the line from simple character critique into full blown misogyny.

And so many of his fans engaged with that behavior and contributed to it. And by continuing to belittle and minimize the experiences of those who have tried to discuss this aspect of his public behavior and how it affected them and the fandom, you are proving that you never cared that he was hurting others. It was only when he hurt you personally that you started to give a damn.

I'm not even looking for an apology from anyone who engaged in the bullying. But I don't think that it's too much to ask that, after everything that has been revealed about this man, that you would stop trying to argue that his public behavior was acceptable. I am frankly flabbergasted to see so many people who are victims of him going out of their way to still defend him when it comes to this aspect of what he did.

This is a way that he has hurt and affected myself and others in the fandom, even when we chose not to directly engage with him. And it is just as valid as the other ways he hurt people on here. I am sorry if that makes you feel bad, because you happened to contribute to the bullying that created such an unwelcoming environment and quite likely drove some people out of the fandom entirely. But those of us who were impacted in this way have just as much right to express it as the rest of you.

[babacontainsmultitudes]

always always thinking about your post that was like “normal has a very high threshold for being loved that is nearly impossible to meet and he will do *anything* to feel validated” and then today in the discord during the part where willy reveals it could’ve been either normal or scary, will said “willy fucked up normal would burn the entire world down for the tiniest crumb of validation” and just. screaming screaming forever about this boy’s inability to ever feel loved enough, he is every webweaving post about always devouring and never feeling full from love, this boy is RAVENOUS and it’s hard to understand how the oak good-boy morality can even supersede that, he has every trait imaginable to become a villain and it feels like the only thing preventing that is the desire to be good, bc tbh I don’t think he wants to be good more than he wants to be loved

SORRY FOR TAKING ALMOST TWO FUCKING WEEKS TO ANSWER THIS ANON!

Eheh, firstly *thank you* because this message is very sweet and made me extremely happy. The post you’re talking about took a good while to write and came with a lot of anxiety so it’s very nice to hear that you’ve kept fragments of it with you, I really do appreciate that!!! 💜

I’d debated for a bit on answering this privately to be honest with you, as not every fire I’ve sparked is one whose flames I wish to fan, so to speak, but everything you wrote is just so on-point and well-articulated that I couldn’t resist. Otherwise. *Ahem*. I know it's very very silly to respond to a response about an essay with what is essentially another essay, but you see, in thinking of how to answer your message, I got a little caught amongst many other things that have been on my mind... And I've seen some takes that have annoyed me for one reason or another and couldn't decide how to address those and. Well. Ultimately I decided that the stuff I wanted to talk about was connected *enough* to the stuff brought up in your message (as well as in my original post) that I could put it all together, soooooooo if you'll entertain me rambling once more~

Let's start by saying that, I recently saw a take going around stating that “Scary’s internal issues caused her external issues while Normal’s external issues caused his internal issues” (among a number of other statements that I frankly found pretty questionable), and I must say, for reasons that I hope to explain, I disagree with this assertion on both accounts!

In Scary’s case, this statement completely erases and undermines the trauma of her dad walking out, and what that does not only to her confidence and sense of self-worth, but to her relationship with her mother as well. And the degree of the impact of this external trauma on her internal view towards and treatment of herself is clear as day just by looking at the stark contrast between Terri and Scary. Scary (Terri) is someone who once had confidence in herself and could find validation and motivation internally, most recently evidenced by Terri's words of encouragement to Scary whilst under beacon of hope:

But then her dad leaves, and things get harder at home, and Scary starts to fight with her mom (her mom who she once called her best friend!!!), and she starts to feel worthless and unlovable- something that only gets worse with time as Willy alienates her from the rest of the group, case in point with this revealing exchange:  

No one’s told her they’re proud of her in a long time (sound familiar??),

her teachers at school shut her down when she tries to speak her mind or otherwise dismiss her behavior as “acting out” seemingly without any sort of intervention or attempt to actually check in with her,

[the above teen fact is from episode 31]

Only then, in response to her diminished sense of self-worth does she begin to cut herself off from the rest of the world and from her former self, most importantly quitting soccer (which we know matters a lot to her!),

and those things leave her even more vulnerable and supportless and ashamed. Not to mention all the mixed emotions she must feel when Terry walks into the picture, between actually liking him but not being able to see his love as genuine due to her relationship with her bio dad and all the frustration and shame she must feel as a result.

This is not to claim that Scary’s internal struggles do not inform a lot of what happens to her and the people around her over the run of the season- of course they do! (In fact some of the later things mentioned above are examples of that- I guess I got a bit carried away). But Scary’s major internal struggles that affect her throughout the course of the adventure are preceded by a slew of important external events that negatively affect her psyche and are in many cases out of her control. Scary’s internal struggles did not originate in a vacuum, and I absolutely would not say that they “caused” the bulk of what she has been through.

Unlike Scary, Norm’s excessive dependency on external validation to feel like he’s worth anything begins when he is very young. [Emphasis on “excessive” here, since obviously everyone requires validation from others to some degree, the point being just that this trait is so very pronounced in Normal and, as I argued a bit in the post anon is referring to, usually the most important factor informing his courses of action, superseding (but not implying the absence of) any desire to be good and help those around him. Will’s statement (the one which anon quotes) seems to corroborate this.] We know that things go so far back from Sparrow’s account in episode 17:

It’s important that this is about Normal’s kindergarten experiences too, because it tells us that Normal’s predominant internal issues go back farther than this and hence were not caused in and of themselves by his peers- instead being perhaps more fundamental to who he is as a person.

This is not to say that external events do not exacerbate the state of Normal’s psyche. In his youth most notably, we can infer that he interpreted Hero’s treatment (which of course he did not understand at the time to be her training) as favoritism, and I think it’s pretty clear by this point that his resentment of her is tied to the degradation of self-esteem that he experienced as a result.

Then of course there is the dance. Sparrow’s words to Normal during the dance obviously consist of a very pivotal moment for Norm within the context of the season, but I think it’s important to remember and not erase the fact that Normal’s internal issues with validation do not begin at the dance, as established in the kindergarten case but also further exemplified by Norm’s primary motive in becoming the school’s mascot in the first place (to get everybody to like him). I think it’s important to remember this in part since it informs so much of Normal’s reaction to what his father has to say, immediately afterwards but also throughout the whole rest of the season. No kid wants to hear that their parent isn’t proud of them, but the severity of the response to this sort of statement is going to vary drastically depending on the person, and in Norm’s case, given his natural disposition, it’s devastating. [and I swear there’s a teen talk moment where Will says basically this but I can’t find it for the life of me rn damn it lol maybe I’ll edit in the clip later if I do]

Of course in this specific case, one can still mostly say that the problem stems from outside of Normal, and that his preexisting issues exacerbate his response but are definitely not the cause of it. Outside of this instance, however, this is not always true! In fact, Normal’s excessive dependency on external validation and related rejection sensitivity (negatively) inform a large amount of his interactions with those around him, particularly Lincoln and Taylor (imagine me underlining “Taylor” several times as I say this). Truthfully that’s a whole ramble on its own, but with respect to more recent events, I have to admit that I was genuinely quite irked to find a lot of people blaming Taylor and Lincoln for Norm’s response to their uh. mech shenanigans in episode 37, choosing to frame this as an act of moral failing or even malice on their part, rather than a reflection of Normal’s own issues and room for growth. Lincoln and Taylor were simply focused on the mission at hand, and there was no good reason realistically speaking to have expected them to be aware of Normal’s emotional state at that point in time (or in general, to be aware of the jealousy their bonding moments evoke within Norm- particularly when Normal consistently fails to communicate and address those emotions with them in a manner that is direct and not passive-aggressive). Lincoln in particular is very clearly stated as not even having fun in that moment, very understandably being focused instead on the fact that his friend Scary is around his father, who he just witnessed, you know, murder someone. This is not an instance of the world going against Norm for no good reason other than to put him through it, this is a very clear example of Normal’s internal issues affecting the way he perceives external events in a manner that is not actually very reflective of the reality of the situation, and which of course feeds in further to his cycle of self-loathing (and I won’t go into it here since I sort of did in the post anon is responding to- but Normal’s negative reaction to Lincoln breaking the pick to gain Scary’s trust is another important example of this [tbh all the more so now coupled with the hypocrisy of how he handles the anchor in Goofs but that’s a tangent]). As aforementioned, Norm also struggles a good chunk of the time to actually explain his feelings in a manner that is direct and does not rely on blaming others for not picking up on his dejection, as exemplified in how this discussion goes with Lincoln in the most recent episode:

The treatment from fandom of this whole instance being reflective of a reoccurring issue I tend to have with a large chunk of the fandom, wherein the collective memory of canon tends towards getting warped to account for Norm’s mental state. Sometimes that’s hailing him as some morally-perfect, emotional reincarnate of Henry (as though the pride layer didn’t happen, as though Goofs didn’t happen, as though all of Norm’s relationship with Taylor isn’t what it is- …I feel like I should stop implying stuff about the significance Taylor and Norm’s relationship and not elaborating but it really is an essay in and of itself LOL), other times it’s just downright turning everyone around Normal into a villain, a persistent phenomenon which I sort of illustrated in the above example but also touched upon in an earlier essay (arguing that despite the fandom’s quick jump to villainize him- Lincoln breaking the guitar pick would prove to be an act of love). Sparrow also takes a good brunt of the damage from this. Sparrow saying he’s not proud of Normal gets turned into Sparrow not loving Normal (despite an abundance of proof in canon to the contrary), his apology for what he said and the support he shows for Norm in light of his alternative plan on dealing with the Doodler are completely ignored by most of the fandom, as are any other demonstrations of emotional availability and shows of growth that he displays throughout the course of the season, and the true motives behind Sparrow’s insistence on Normal living a “normal” life- to protect him from the childhood that he but also that Hero had to undergo- is somehow framed as Sparrow actually holding some kind of favoritism for Hero. It’s as though there is a complete inability on a larger scale within the fandom to see Sparrow as separate character outside of the filter of Norm’s emotions, and the other teens (including Hermie) get a similar if less pronounced treatment.

[Actually, I would argue that to some degree all of the kiddads except Terry (and Lark since he’s not officially a dad) tend to be perceived and criticized predominantly through the noise of their respective child’s emotions/behavior. In Grant’s case, Lincoln 1. spends a good part of the earlier half of the season asserting that his dads are the best dads in the world despite everything going on and 2. has a very unfortunate tendency to compartmentalize and push down his negative emotions as much as possible- in typical Wilson fashion- so the complexity and severity of Lincoln’s issues with his dad generally go understated, and only now that Lincoln has begun to be more vocal and upfront about his issues has some of Grant’s parenting finally begun to come under fire, and even then mostly only his more recent transgressions. In Taylor’s case, Taylor’s emotional security/stability and general fondness for his dad mean that Nicky is being hailed by many people as “the best dad” where in fact Nicky- while certainly helping the teens out in many ways and perhaps even acting as a friend to them- has done just about jack shit for Taylor as a *father*, and really if Taylor has anyone to thank for being as well-adjusted as he is now, it’s definitely his mom! But I digress.]

Normal and Scary are very similar, but the way fandom treats them is very different. People (mostly) seem to be able to acknowledge that Scary, in spite of her mistakes and flaws, is a scared, tired kid with a good heart who is capable and deserving of love. In Normal’s case, I just can’t seem to shake the impression that the fandom (in general) would rather strip Norm of all the things that make his character complex, and nuanced, and flawed, reducing him to an utterly uninteresting husk of a character before depicting him as anything other than a perfect goody-two-shoes who has never hurt anybody in his entire life or daring to acknowledge the fact that “Normal has been through a lot, is hurt, and deserves a good support system and emotional validation” and “Normal can at many times be his own worst enemy, sometimes makes mistakes that affect those around him, and has room to grow emotionally” are notions that can and should coexist. Or at least, that's my two cents on the matter.

[brawlqueen]

PSA * !

while i don't need or really....like? to make these posts, and i try not to be personal unless my mutuals are people that i am comfortable sharing it, but i've definitely been struggling to write period. writer's block, call it what you will, but it's definitely been causing me anxiety when it shouldn't. so i decided to start replaying uchikoshi games of course, i just finished ai.tsf and am onto a.ini, as much as i have some gripes with it, oh well, we make our own canon - but i wanted by choice, to kinda explain that.

one thing that's really really important to me is mutual communication. that doesn't translate to: 'tell me everything that's going on and every personal detail. ' it just means, i feel that if something is up with me that's affecting my fun on the dashboard, then i wanna just bring it up.

most of my friends here know i've been having a lot of social anxiety. which is kinda weird for me since i'm a fairly confident / extroverted person! but you know what that's okay, but i've been kind of a ghost on my discord. i keep second guessing everything i say to most everyone, and it has nothing to do with a single person, there's nothing wrong i feel about any of my friends. i'm just /anxious/.

i also, am just accepting that due to some personal health issues, nothing major, (ex: insomnia amped up, for mental reasons ) that my adhd is all over the place. most of the time when i get to be home i'm snuggling my bear uh -- i mean, my rescue great pyrenees sasha or just doing 'icon therapy' which is me making batches of screencaps and converting them to icons.

i'm not ignoring anyone, and i just don't know what to really say right now in a lot of conversations. i stumble over my typing and delete little sentences because my anxiety has been so bad. but also for me, with that adhd, sitting in it is infinitely worse, and i'm sorry if this sounds like i'm complaining. i just like being upfront!

so yeah, dm buddies i'm not ignoring you, or purposefully being slow. roleplay partners / friends, new mutuals waiting on meme asks or threads, hell even mizuki's birthday stuff, which is FOREVER btw to this stan, i am not trying to make it seem i'm disinterested or quite frankly i don't drop threads unless you would like me to. i just may not be at the speed you like. and that's okay! we meet each other half way.

but yeah i kinda really have wanted to address this because i can feel mizuki kinda coming back if that makes sense? there's so much to explore with her, but even mutuals i don't even know that i dearly want to interact with, please know you can send random asks or throw people at mizuki any time. i know this isn't a job. i know not to force myself, and trust me, i don't.

but i just...didn't want to leave the wrong impression that may be 'lily's ignoring me / lily dropped our stuff / ' it isn't so much bluntly, for anyone as much as it is me wanting to tell you i just don't operate that way i guess? i wouldn't treat someone like that. everyone has their way of operating on this site and as long as it's not hurtful i think it's fair and valid. i just wanted to explain. for myself, and hopefully clear up if anyone is confused about me.

i appreciate everyone's patience and the talent they bring to the dash, even if i don't know your muse(s), but i do know that i followed you for a reason so please be patient with me as i get through this. i think writing is so relaxing for me, so slowly feeling mizuki come back is a very, very comforting thing. she's my favorite girl ever, the girl ever period for me, and i never aim to make this a job.

so i'm gonna be gentle to myself and these asks and threads you might go 'well that was ages ago' and that's okay. what's important for me is that my intentions are always clear, and hopefully, always seen as they are as best i can: well meaning. that said, since i don't wanna make this a job, please don't do it either okay? - lily.

[caffeinatedopossum]

Tw ed recovery talk (also sorry this is INCREDIBLY long. I had a lot to say)

I think the reason I never talked much about my ed recovery is because in my opinion, the majority of ed recovery "inspiration" or encouragement I see (or get unsolicited in replies or asks or reblogs) aren't for me and quite frankly these things are way more triggering than accidentally stumbling upon thinspo or something has ever been for me.

They're also overly positive imo and used to make me feel like I could simply never recover because I couldn't hold onto that mindset. It was just unrealistic for me.

They usually only take into account neurotypical cisgender people (especially women but that's getting better) who are able bodied, had their eating disorders relatively short term, haven't had multiple failed recovery attempts already, and are at least wealthy enough to reliably afford food, new clothes that will fit when/if they gain weight, and healthcare. None of these things apply to me and its impossible for me to recover the same way a person under those circumstances would.

For example, I can't just love my body. My body brings me a lot of pain and distrust and holds very little value to me. I don't enjoy eating as much as I think other people do. I have sensory issues heavily tied in with my ed. I can't cook. At the beginning of recovery, I physically couldn't eat or afford food and I still haven't gotten proper clothes. I don't know when I will be able to. I've had my ed for almost a decade. I can't eat intuitively due to adhd and autism and need someone to tell me when I should eat. I have permanent damage from my ed that will never go away.

Instead of seeking out positivity and encouragement, I retreated to what I needed- which was time, understanding, people to talk to, and honestly to just get it (the first few months of recovery) the fuck over with. I don't feel like I ~chose~ to recover or that I had some grand motivation for doing so. Recovery even initially made me intensely suicidal, made my anxiety and ptsd worse, worsened my sensory issues and my chronic pain significantly all before I noticed any positive impact.

Not much has even changed since considering myself fully recovered- well, things *have* definitely changed, but they're not better. They just are what they are. In some weird way where the suffering and happiness balance out and are equal to that of when I gave in to my disorder.

I don't want my pain to be pushed aside, I want to understand it. Because there's a lot of it and the more I shove it into the closet, the more it will bury me when that door is opened again. Moral of the story, if you think it's impossible for you to recover it isn't. But it is possible that you don't have what you need in order to make it happen right now and thats okay. Take your time and try to understand yourself. I'll always be here if you need advice or to vent or to talk to someone who will try to understand.

[tc-frog]

introduction✨

hi :) i've been lurking for quite some time now (following a lot of tc blogs with my main blog :) bc it's not possible with a side blog unfortunately haha) and this community seems really sweet so i decided to make a blog about my complicated teacher relationship haha

important disclaimers!!

- i am neither in love with my tc nor do i have any sexual or romantic feelings towards him. If anything, it’s a sort of an platonic/academic/intellectual crush - i am however using the tc tags and phrases (hope that’s okay guys lskghsldkghk) because frankly, idk where else to put my feelings and thoughts about it and y’all are like the nicest and most understanding community kshgslkghslkg so yeah :) - i hope I don’t offend anyone with tagging my posts as tc even tho it’s not really that (idk how else to describe it), but if i do and y'all don't want me in this community that's fine too! just tell me ^^ - tw for entire blog: a pretty big part of past interactions with my tc were about my mental health issues (depression, anxiety) so this will come up a lot, please take care of yourself if you're sensitive about it :)

Alsooo the typical: i do not condone relationships between teachers and students, i don't want to be with him, i would never do anything bla bla and so on lol

about me - ivy (for obvious reasons i use a fake name and tc initial sghslkgs) - she/her - 19 - lesbian - european (won't specify, but english is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes) - i’m in my last year of school and I’ve only got three more weeks of regular school left so I’ll only see him like four more times lmao - if u wanna know anything about me or my tc or the situation go ahead and ask! i'm always happy about asks :)

about my tc - J - in his 50s - he’s my religion teacher (with him it feels more like philosophy lessons tho which i absolutely love) - he's pretty weird and his lessons are a bit unusual/unconventional at times, but i love it i guess i kinda made this to work through all of my confusing feelings about (and mostly past interactions with) my teacher and to just talk about it slay hope we have a nice time together and i'm always open for chatting about anything :))

btw IF you read through my blog and feel like this all feels familiar and you might know who i am or who my tc is, please don't mention anything about it irl. but please leave an ask telling me about it bc i really wanna know lmaoo

[trash-iest]

1,4,12,15,23,35,38,40,4650,55,60,75,78,83,86. You don't have to answer these. It's alot I know and I'm sorry. Just.. curious 😅

1. What do you crave in a psychological sense? Intimacy, passion, purpose, belonging, social interaction, etc.?

Passion & purpose (im sorry it's impossible to choose one)

4. Who's the most important person in your life right now? Why?

Myself because i need to consistently work towards my 5 year goal. Its the bare minimum but feels a lot so im hoping ill adjust and become a better version of myself if not the best.

12. What's your most controversial opinion? Would you state it publicly? What's the most controversial opinion that you would publicly support, if it's different?

The moon is made of cheese and pluto is a planet. Oh i would shamelessly state that publicly and stick out my tongue if the other person tries to educate me on the matter (im sorry if you were looking for serious answers, we dont do that over texting)

15. Is there a song, book, movie, or other piece of media that has drastically altered your life? What was it, are there multiple?

This is stupid (but youre allowed to laugh at how basic i am) Book: 13 reasons why. So just a bit of context: Up until grade 7 i was an extremely insensitive kid like id mindlessly laugh at people in school, made fun of their insecurities and was completely clueless about feelings/emotions. It was just considered banter since i was the class clown but the way id gang up with my group and tease other kids was wrong, yet no one corrected this behaviour (tbf i didnt grow up with cousins and they rarely ever visited so there was no sense of realisation) Now end of grade 7 i came across this book and I casually started reading it like any other book and lets just say i didnt expect the traumatising details. It was nothing like the stuff i used to read and it ended up giving me the biggest reality check. I started analysing my behaviour and realised how i might be an actual bully and i couldnt fathom the thought of someone resorting to self harm or suicide because of my silly jokes so i stopped and apologised to those few people. Lets just say this book was the first step towards developing eq and becoming a better person.

23. What would you never admit to in real life?

A LOT of things. I cant really think of anything atm but i mostly just stay quiet when people say questionable shit because i dont have the energy to explain my pov and idc about their opinion lol.

35. What's wrong with you? Physically, mentally, whatever comes to mind. What's right about you? What are your best and worst traits?

Physically— i have a HUGE nose, kinda short, dont have grey/hazel eyes, i wear specs (doesnt look cute), my nails chip every time i grow them out and theyre not a natural pretty shape. Also, i dont feel pretty like an actual girl; im not elegant or any of that and neither am i a hot tomboy. Im just eh. (Edit: i just remembered the dark circles and i look dead without lipstick/lip taint lol)

Mentally— anxious sometimes but thankfully no more anxiety attacks. I feel like my major trust and commitment issues come under personality disorders but ill just list them here. My therapist said im stubborn and very rigid (and I believe him over anyone else) and quite frankly i feel incapable of forming a real human connection. To sum up my worst traits: Im mostly horrible at reciprocation, im always emotionally unavailable, im selfish, hella lazy, careless, stupid. Im definitely forgetting something so whenever I remember it ill add it here lol. My best traits: im very understanding when it comes to the other person needing their space. Im a good listener because i rarely have good advice or solutions lol. Im calm and rarely ever lose my temper which doesnt really last long. I believe in communication instead of letting misunderstandings grow until they explode (im guessing thats good because it has strengthened my friendships)

38. Who do you miss, if anyone?

My 15 year old self. She was so happy, loved the way she looked and was so mentally stable (i might be considered a narcissist at this point)

40. Would you sacrifice your life for a stranger? An acquaintance? A loved one?

I WILL SACRIFICE MY OWN LIFE FOR PAKISTAN (its hard for me to be consistently serious, bear with it pls)

46. Do you have a "right person, wrong time"?

Yeah feels like it

50. What qualities do you find charming?

Whatever prince charming brings to the table (its so hard to be serious about this im sorry it reminds me of middle school)

55. What reminds you of your childhood?

Certain songs, snacks and a few places.

60. What are you afraid of? What are your worst fears? Are you afraid of any of the following - the dark, fire, heights, being alone, people, spiders, snakes, blood, drowning, or death?

Betrayal/abandonment from someone i truly love, getting attached to the wrong person, staying unemployed after graduation, childbirth and raising my own kids, emotionally depending on someone and lizards 💀 Of the following: people, only the big spiders like tarantulas etc, snakes, drowning only because i dont know how to swim and its a very painful death from what ive heard so no thank you.

75. What is your favourite fairytale?

Definitely hansel and gretel because of that edible cottage (still such a dream) but I recently read the story of the youth who went forth to learn what fear was (grimm's fairytales) and its my favourite one as an adult now.

78. Have you ever written a poem or song about someone? Or had someone write one about you? Do you hope to have either of those experiences in the future?

Nope i havent. My best friend has written poetry for me, about 3 times. It was super cute but it constantly made me feel indebted because ive never made a grand gesture like that and what she wrote was proper poetry and she appreciates me so much. Ive only ever written her letters with my ugly handwriting yet she treasures them. Hypothetically if i do find someone in the future like that idk how id react but ill definitely be thinking about ways to reciprocate.

83. What's your type? Otherwise, do you think you attract a certain sort of person?

An aromantic asexual or at least someone whose love language isnt physical touch and theyre naturally not a cheezy person but i feel like im asking for a lot here since most people associate romance with their partners and what i say is considered abnormal or bs so lets not go there. Ill need to be attractive to attract a certain type of people or anyone for that matter lol.

86. What could you talk about for hours?

Honestly my chattiness depends on my mood or the type of day im having instead of a particular topic.

[jilymicrofics-deactived]

Okay a little clarification on this issue:

This ask is related to this post I made about feedback I received re: the valentines gift exchange that this blog hosted a few weeks back. I completely understand this anons point of view and it is not invalid. I'm sorry if my answer didn't come across this way.

After receiving and responding to this ask I opened the topic up for discussion in the jilymicrofics discord chat and found that it was a sentiment shared with a few people. 

So for the sake of transparency I’m going to clarifying some things here for those who are not part of that forum space and were privy to the discussion: 

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am ALWAYS open to feedback, constructive criticism and having things pointed out to me. I am on the autism spectrum so how I read/write and interpret something may not necessarily be how everyone else does. Something I am well aware and have been self conscious of. I hate to think that something I have said may have been misconstrued or misinterpreted. 

When I gave the example that some people felt anxiety around sign ups and about ‘ whether or not that person’s style would match theirs’, it was NOT about the quality of people's writing. Nor was it something that factored into the decision I made about changing the way sign ups would work moving forward. It was just one of the things people listed feeling anxious about in regards to the exchange- worrying that their giftee wouldn’t like their gift, a valid anxiety I think everyone feels. I know I certainly do. 

There is a degree of getting out of your comfort zone involved in a gift exchange and that’s a good thing. I had intended it to highlight the fact that: despite some people being anxious about signing up and taking part that they still did! Which I obviously did not do a good job of. I apologise for that. 

The decision to change from AO3 sign up to a google form sign up was a decision made entirely on my own, based on how limiting AO3 sign up can be and the fact that some people found signing up via AO3 confusing. I myself found the initial exchange set up confusing so I could sympathise. 

My decision to change sign ups moving forward was ultimately an admin based decision and wanting to provide a platform so more people would feel comfortable taking part - despite the fact that in doing so will actually require more effort and time on my part to put together and manage. 

The addition of a field so that you can include people you do not want to gift to for whatever reason, and stating that you do not have to supply a reason for why you don’t want to gift to them and that this information remains confidential with the moderation team. - This is the thing people took issue with. 

Again this was ultimately part of an admin decision on my part. Since I’d be the one organising randomising matchups in future rather than having AO3 do it. It removed one more obstacle to me “pairing people up wrong”.  

I stepped away from fandom spaces some years ago and only fairly recently came back. That means I am naive to a lot of what has happened in this space between leaving and returning and I don’t care to drag up any old negativities. I don’t care about he/she said fandom squabbling and petty drama. 

The reason I said you don’t have to say WHY you don’t want to gift to someone is thus: it’s quite frankly none of my business why and it is not my place to tell you whether or not your decision is valid. That's a YOU decision. I trusted in people to show good faith and have good reason without needing to tell me that reason. 

Which is WHY when I gave some examples of why you may not want to gift to someone I listed “e.g. you don’t get on, you don’t know them very well, have gifted to them before etc..”. Because these were some of the things people had brought up in feedback. Some people expressed concerns about being partnered with someone they already knew well and would PREFER to be able to gift to someone new or they didn’t know. AGAIN another good reason to sign up to an exchange- to read/write for someone ‘little’ or knew to the space. 

This event is not compulsory. If you don’t want to sign up you don’t have to! I was just trying to make more people feel comfortable signing up and it has been interpreted as gate keeping the event. SO I WILL BE REMOVING THIS OPTION FROM THE FUTURE SIGN UP - as it seemed to be a resounding thing people disagreed with and I am taking that feedback on board. 

If people have issues with their sign up they can choose to message me privately. Which is something I hoped people would do regardless. 

So just to be absolutely clear:

This blog has not ever been about gatekeeping. There are actually very few rules imposed about content: it has to be somewhat jily orientated and the word count (which is VERY flexible- something other micros blogs don't do). Because it's all about jily, the ship we all love in one fashion or another. Events are and have always been open to everyone. I always try to be as accommodating of people as I possibly can. Clearly in this case I have made a misjudgement and have rectified it. I am just trying to do my best which is why I requested feedback in the first place. 

I created this blog, the prompt lists and events to create a positive space for jily content. Something I am not obligated to do, something that takes a lot of time and effort to do - something I am willing and happy to do purely because I love this fandom and the people in it. 

The exchange was supposed to be first and foremost FUN! A way to give to each other and share content.

Something I think people have forgotten based on the anons I received and have had to delete from my inbox in the past five hours. I am ONE person. A real person behind this keyboard with feelings and a life outside of what I put into fandom. I am human. I make mistakes and for that I am sorry. But I will not accept being abused over it please. 

I hope that clarifies things for people. 

Your resident jilymicrofics admin

~ Charms

I know it’s not your fault, but I wanted to say it was very disheartening seeing that some writers were not comfortable with their matchups for the Valentine Exchange, especially when it comes to writing style. This kind of event is great to allow interaction in the fandom and to engage new writers, even more those who don’t get as much views as others; unfortunately, restricting who you want to be matched up with or who you don't want to gift you just made me feel very unwelcome here. I am sorry that Jily fandom is gate keeping now.

Hi anon,

I’m sorry you feel that way! That was never the intention.

The informal feedback I got was that some people chose not to sign up for the event at all because they were afraid of the match up process for various reasons.

We didn’t want to host a future event where people didn’t sign up for that reason when we could potentially resolve that anxiety for some people. Which is why we’ve decided if there’s someone you don’t want to gift to moving forward for whatever reason you could have that option. The idea was so that more people would feel comfortable participating in future events not less 😔

The change was to make future events more inclusive, not to gate keep.

We try our best to be welcoming to everyone who wants to be part of this space. Both to newbies to the fandom and people coming ‘out of retirement’ and rejoining the fandom space.

[weebsinstash]

tw we're talking about pregnancy and abortion, guys ✌

You know, besides my own significant mental health issues, this is literally one of the biggest reasons I've never tried to have a serious relationship. I would legitimately have anxiety attacks thinking about "what if I find a partner and everything is going great and I get pregnant? I can barely take care of myself let alone a baby and I have a lot of bad genetic stuff I can pass on". I would think "what if my partner wanted to keep it and I didnt?" or what about being forced to give birth when I didn't want to? Even when putting a child up for adoption, childbirth changes your body forever, and it's extremely fucking painful

And now that's. Not even going to be my choice anymore, at least in the future. Like I already accepted that I'm probably never going to have a serious relationship, because I'm not actively pursuing it and quite frankly I don't think I'm in the right place mentally to not get abused or taken advantage of, but this is genuinely a massive barrier to me even starting a relationship to begin with 😔 like legitimately the fear of knowing "oh god if you forget birth control even once or god forbid it fails it's basically a giant fucking bomb going off that destroys my entire life" is enough to scare me away

This is just such a deeply personal, really scary thing for me and a lot of other people in America right now. The fact that certain states and lawmakers are even trying to take the next step and outlaw different forms of birth control and even condoms is even scarier because they legitimately want to leave us with nothing. And sorry but this IS a religious matter because these politicians, or at least the people funding them, are deeply conservative and have personal religious beliefs on sex outside of marriage and some ultra conservatives genuinely believe you should have sex ONLY to reproduce and that if you're not trying to get pregnant you shouldn't be having sex anyways

Anyways I guess I'll just. Keep myself safe and loved in my writing, if nowhere else 😔 at least there's some hypothetical universe out there where my personal feelings and autonomy is respected

[raointean]

Just finished "Bel-Air" (2022) and LOVED it!

I loved that it didn't try to be the original, but instead went a completely different direction while still remaining true to the soul and intentions of the original.

More detailed analysis and spoilers under the cut.

Not only was the premise of the show the same, but the premise for most of the characters was the same.

Will, of course, an unapologetically Black kid from West Philly who got in a fight and was sent to live with his auntie and uncle in Bel Air

Carlton, a black kid surrounded by mostly white kids and because of that, has either lost touch with his culture or was never connected to it in the first place

Uncle Phil, Will's rich surrogate father uncle who has lost touch with the Black community after having been in a position of power for so long (although this version of Uncle Phil is definitely more out of touch than in the original)

Aunt Viv, a woman who set aside some of her dreams for the sake of her family (she changed the most from all the characters, but I think it works)

Hillary, a charismatic but not academically minded young woman being pushed out of the nest and trying to have it all

Ashley, the little cousin trying to figure out who she is and being a little rebellious in doing so

Geoffrey, the hired help who's more like family

Lisa, the spunky love interest

Jazz, the annoying friend

And then they took a lot of these characters and went TOTALLY different directions with them.

Will actually stayed pretty much the same as in the original, just rode the struggle bus a bit longer

In the original, Carlton dealt with being "racially isolated" (I don’t know if there's an actual word for that) by being the best student, son, and brother he could be and was unapologetically himself (except for that one episode lol) It really wasn't much of an issue. In "Bel-Air", Carlton struggles a LOT. He suffers from pretty severe anxiety, struggles with the pressure to be perfect, does drugs to cope with it, and puts up with his racist "friends'" bullshit. This Carlton is an exploration of what could have happened. I love both Carltons equally for different reasons and I'll fight anyone who disses them.

(Sorry for the rant, Carlton is my favorite character in both shows)

Uncle Phil is more ambitious and frankly, more selfish than in the original. His character development is just *chef's kiss* beautiful though.

Aunt Viv, again, is very different from her 90's counterpart(s) but is a fantastically complex character. Instead of just seeing her as "Mom", we see her as a woman with hopes, dreams, needs, and insecurities. (I loved her too)

Hillary is a LOT more capable (not that that's saying much) and instead of wanting to stay at home and live off of daddy's money forever, she's looking for her own way forward on her own terms

Ashley is also very different. She's queer (obviously) and not as naïve which is fitting as children, girls especially, enter the political world much sooner nowadays thanks to social media

Geoffrey... damn! 007 is right. Instead of a goofy butler he's a sexy "say the word and he's dead, Sir" kinda guy! Really hope we get to see his son next season.

I'm not a huge Lisa fan but she was definitely more sympathetic and real in this version

I like Jazz a lot better in this version. He's more charismatic than he is annoying and honestly, I really ship him and Hillary now.

What I hope we see in season 2

I want Carlton to have an anxiety relapse now that he's trying to quit (because I love angst). Maybe he starts the drugs up again and his family finds out. Maybe he takes it too far and accidentally OD's (which would be another nice callback to the original). Whatever happens, he and his parents need to talk about all the pressure they've been putting him under.

I want to see what happens with Hillary and Ivy and the influencer house. They set it up pretty blatantly so I'm not too worried about it.

Phil dealing with being a house-husband for a little while. I literally can't think of a SINGLE TIME I've seen that on TV

I wanna see Ashley come out. I don't think it would be a really big thing because everyone's cool with it, but it would be cool

I also want to see her first romance so I can live vicariously through her

Hillary and Jazz are going to have to tell Phil about their relationship eventually and I think that would be a perfect time for a callback (AAAGGGHHHHH)

[mangodestroyer]

Dude, I relate so much to this and I'm so sorry you're having troubles in other fandoms. Unfortunately, my last fandom before joining GOs wasn't exactly... great. Sure, it wasn't the worst fandom, but I had to delete my old Tumblr because it felt like I was walking on eggshells and people would sometimes give me these weird, passive-aggressive asks because they found something I posted "suspicious."

And hearing about discourse from other fandoms was making my head spin. It was almost making me want to give up on fanfic and fandom because I couldn't do it with all the toxicity and discourse. Then I discovered GOs and I'm going to be honest, I found it so hard to believe at first just how little drama there is in this fandom, but man is it great feeling like you can just breathe and exist in your fandom space without someone taking issue with it.

Quite frankly, there is hardly anything that can be deemed "pr*blematic" with what I post and write. Even if other fandom spaces will try to twist content that is similar to mine to make it far worse than it actually is. Yes, my stories do tend to be darker (not to the point of being "darkfic" but they are certainly the angsty/whump/hurt/comfort types), but that's only because I'm writing from a place of experience. Channeling my own hurt through fiction because I find it therapeutic. Or I sometimes like exploring existential anxieties to try and help myself cope with them. The GOs fandom seems to welcome such works with open arms and I feel so spoiled with just how many well-written works there are that are up my ally. Like I said, other fandom spaces sometimes don't welcome content like this. Or they might not agree with my interpretations of the characters.

That's another thing. People are allowed to have their own opinions of the characters. Like yeah, lots of people hate Gabriel, but I've yet to see anyone get hated on or chased out over writing about him or even liking him. It might be an odd rarepair, but some people ship Crowley with Gabriel, without making it toxic, and these shippers just exist in peace. While I'm not too into this ship myself, it makes me happy that these shippers are allowed to exist and people aren't harassing them because it's only fiction at the end of the day. Some people see Ineffable Husbands as ace. Others see them as not ace. I personally see them as grey (in other words, I see them doing more than holding hands but believe that it took them a while to really fall in love with each other to the point where they were comfortable doing that sort of thing). I said that I like both content where they are ace and where they are not ace and could see it working either way or in-between. Again, no one took issue with it. People let me headcanon them as neurodivergent. No one gets mad at me for making neurodivergent characters have a s*xual relationship (I stg if one more person says ND characters are child-coded, my ND ass if going to do something regrettable).

I could go on and on about how great this fandom is. I really hope it stays this way upon the arrival of season 2. I get the feeling though that GOs tends to attract a more mature audience. Yes, there are fans under the age of 18, but there are also plenty of older fans. A notable amount who are older than me even (I'll be 23 in a week). And oddly enough, some people seem to think 23 is too old to be reading and writing fanfic. Some fandom spaces straight up don't have many people past the age of 20. But I think having lots of people my age and older helps. Although the younger fans aren't so bad either. I get it, not every young person is immature and not every older fan can act reasonable. I've seen some very childish behavior from people in their late 20's, 30's, and even 40's. It's just that younger people tend to be more prone to immature behavior due to lack of experience and the fact that their minds are still developing, so it's to be expected at times, and is more forgivable than when an older individual pulls this shit.

I'm not sure, but it could also be the content in the show as well. I wouldn't say that the plot is hard to follow, but it does make you think about some things. And the characters themselves seem pretty well-adjusted and handle conflict in a surprisingly peaceful manner considering the circumstances. Even if the characters do have problems, they act like so much more than their trauma. I know that there are other shows that are well-written with deeper meaning that attract toxic fanbases, but I've also noticed that some media that is very simplistic with one-dimensional characters and black and white morals tend to attract more immature fans. I think Neil Gaiman himself also just admits good vibes and that probably leads to a more respectful fandom. And you can feel these good vibes in his writing and through his characters.

Maybe I'm now looking too much into this. Like I said, I'm grateful we have such an amazing fandom and I hope it stays that way.

Good Omens fandom is such a nice place that I forgot how bad it can be in other fandoms.

[shihalyfie]

@sage-striaton replied to your post:

Idk how people can say Frontier has characters that lack depth. Imo it’s a very psychological season. The whole adventure thing is aimed to making them grown in their behaviours and feelings, it’s a big metaphor of their development

I’m sorry for hijacking your response to my post to segue this into another rant of mine, but I want to emphasize that one of my goals with this blog (if I can be said to have any) is that I really, really, really want people to re-examine whether they actually believe in the rhetoric that’s been dominating this fanbase for two decades, or whether there’s more to it. This is especially in regards to the fact that we’re talking a series deliberately written in such a way that it’ll change meaning and nuance as you get older, so it can “grow up” with you in a sense, and yet it seems like -- especially in regards to Adventure through Frontier, due to their position as the oldest series that the majority of the fanbase was elementary or preteen age during -- people are still regurgitating the same rehashed twenty-year-old ideas like they’re undeniable law. It’s one thing if they’re saying it because the series didn’t sit well with them the first time and they don’t want to watch it again, but we’re reaching a recurring problem where it’s sort of “brainwashing” even people who don’t actually believe it but feel compelled to go along with it, or wouldn’t feel that way if it weren’t for peer pressure. Obviously, there are dissenting opinions, and ones that are even very loud about that, but that pressure remains.

The mainstream opinion in the fanbase is that Adventure is untouchable and impervious to any criticism, 02 is its inferior sequel with half-baked characters, Tamers is an auteur work that’s the “deepest” of the original tetralogy due to being dark, and Frontier is devoid of much substance at all. Even those who don’t really believe in this will still be pressured to go alongside it, those who like 02 or Frontier will be pressured to consider it a “guilty pleasure”, and it’s only very recently when certain events revealed that the idea of 02 actually having quite its own fervent and passionate fanbase that likes it on its own merits became properly recognized. (I have actually noticed a huge uptick in 02 fans, especially casual ones, being more shameless in talking about liking it in the last two years; you’re still going to get the obnoxious person “reminding” you how bad it apparently is if you bring it up, but it’s not nearly as prevalent as it used to be.) I’m not talking about whether something is a “good” or “bad” series -- that concept doesn’t really exist to me as much as whether it’s “to one’s tastes” or not, and I think one of the joys of this franchise is that it has things that cater to people with vastly different preferences -- as much as a lot of potential for analysis and intimate thought about these very fascinating series. Even if 02 and Frontier were as shallow or half-baked as they were accused of, I wouldn’t think it’d be shameful to like them for one’s own reasons anyway, but what frustrates me is that I just don’t think that’s true in the first place!!

Not helping is that there’s still a refusal among the fanbase to admit that there were substantial differences in American English dubbing (especially in regards to Adventure and 02), which I don’t mean as a bad thing in the sense that some people prefer to stick only with that dub and consider that version what they want to work with, but in the sense that the treatment of them as “the same thing” has been horribly detrimental when two people, one coming from that dub and one coming from the Japanese version (or a dub more closely based on it), will end up often having an argument doomed to go nowhere because they were never talking about the same thing to begin with. Recently, a friend admitted to me that although they’d switched to the Japanese version a long time ago, they still couldn’t get the image of Daisuke and Takeru having an inherently hostile relationship (they don’t) out of their head due to the influence of that dub, and although they consciously knew better -- at least enough to admit this to me -- it wasn’t helped by the fact that the fanbase itself continues to reinforce this image because of how normalized it is to treat the dub version and the Japanese version as “virtually the same” and for Western fanbase discourse to assume you should be projecting those takes into the Japanese version. If you’re hanging out in English-speaking circles but are working from the Japanese version or a dub directly based off of it, you do actually have to filter out a lot of takes you’re hearing because they won’t actually apply to the version you’re watching, but not a lot of people realize this.

All four of Adventure through Frontier share tons of key staff, especially Seki, known for her focus on wanting the kids in the audience to be able to empathize with and relate to the characters on screen. All four share some of the best character work I’ve seen not only in this franchise, but also in kids’ media in general, and I also stress that a lot of this has a ton of nuance that isn’t always apparent unless you read between the lines. I do understand that a lot of this probably went over our heads as kids, and I won’t say that the choice to execute it this way should be impervious to criticism, but nevertheless, I think it’s important to call attention to the fact it is there, and much of it becomes recognizable once you see it that way; for instance, so much of "it's contradictory character writing!" comes from the fact that the series tries to represent humans in their inconsistent, messy ways, and while it'll feel "messy" from a writing trope perspective, when you think about it as "since this person has this mentality, does it make sense to approach this with this mindset?", suddenly it becomes very consistent. The supposedly “shallow” 02 and Frontier characters will act in ways that match existing psychological profiles meant for actual humans to terrifying degrees, in ways that you might actually recognize even better once you’ve hit adulthood and start intimately understanding things like depression or anxiety in ways you might not have before. Shockingly, “having heart, important themes, and kindness towards the human condition” are completely valid reasons to uplift a creative work in ways distinct from technical writing or cerebrality or how many tropes they subvert or whatever.

On the flip side, people praise Adventure and Tamers for being the naturally “superior” works with better writing, but when it comes to talking about why the writing is supposedly better, a good chunk of the reasons stated don’t actually explain anything substantial, or go back to actually being passive-aggressive dunks on the other series in some form -- it’s because 02 and Frontier’s character writing sucks that badly, or because Adventure had the “best plot” (which may be true if by “best” you mean “easiest to understand”, but that doesn’t mean much to someone who might not be very happy about how its story progression is just a boss rush), or because Tamers is the “deepest” when by “deep” they actually mean “cerebral, dark, and unsubtle about it” without any further meaning (as if Adventure and 02 were idealistic series that never went into anything nuanced and not, say, the fact they went very viciously deep into societal issues between parents and children, psychological horror, and intimate takes on the human condition). I’m personally saying this as someone who does think Adventure and Tamers have a lot to praise in terms of their approaches to realism and the unique aspects each bring to the table, and I feel that people like this are doing them more of a disservice by not bothering to uplift them for any reason that isn’t actually just inherently condescending. I mean, even taking this outside of the original tetralogy for a bit, when I was plugging Appmon earlier, there’s a reason I focused more on its theme and character writing and the use of “dark” writing to convey its sheer range, rather than trying to boil it down to a shallow “it looks cheery but gets really messed up later!”, which is unfortunately an argument I’ve been seeing about it lately.

In the end, when I write my meta, I write it "making a case" for my point of view, and I welcome others to disagree, but if you disagree, I really hope it'll be because you personally disagree, and not because the entire fanbase has been saying otherwise for twenty years and I sound like a radical. I’m not saying that everyone’s consensus takes are completely unfounded, but frankly speaking, this fanbase has some really bad takes, and in the past few years I’ve found it freeing to not only “say what you feel without worrying what others think”, but actually go out of my way to outright try and purge all the preconceived notions and pick only the ones I agree with because I actually agree with them. I encourage you to do it too! And if you do, you might find things about something you like that you didn’t realize before.

[iwannawritelots]

This is just a song for an aspect of Cinna (my MC)’s relationship with each of the babes. Obviously not too in depth but… hehe. Maybe I’ll do it more than once since I am self-shipping so hard… comfort… it’s difficult picking just one song for Barbatos and Simeon particularly lmao. ALSO if you’d want to do this too please tag me??? I love seeing this stuff shskdhd (my MC is polyamorous (demiromantic)

SPOILERS for season 3 in Dia’s section. I avoided explicit spoilers in Belphie and Simeon’s sections but Dia’s song only makes sense if the spoilers are said outright sorryyyy

Idk if this has been done before but like??? I like doing stuff with my MC… I blame my mutuals for making such good MC content (affectionate).

Lucifer💙

Monster - Adventure Time (feat. Olivia Olson & Half Shy)

This is definitely more from Lucifer’s perspective. In-game he definitely doesn’t like to be vulnerable, which is an issue between him and Cinna (a huge issue, frankly). He gets better with each season so I suppose this would be the aspect of him showing affection more clearly over time.

Mammon💛

Heart Attack - Demi Lovato

Definitely from Mammon’s perspective lmao. Mammon is a tsundere with MC in-game but has been described as basically a sex god in the past so he clearly only acts ridiculous when he likes someone (and has conflicting feelings) like he seems to in game. He wants to impress them, but kind of makes a fool of himself in the process quite often. Denying his feelings (whether because that’s just how he processes romantic feelings or because of fear of another Lilith-like event) is his go-to, though he is well aware he is in love. He wants Cinna to say something first, but they don’t fall in love nearly as fast as he does. Mammon’s frustration is real. (Sorry Mammon.)

Leviathan🧡

Malfunction - Steam Powered Giraffe

There’s literally no escaping anxiety for either of these two, but as Cinna is better learning to take care of themself, Levi is being taken into this as well (this goes for Barbatos and Asmodeus too, frankly, but this section isn’t about them). Cinna won’t let Levi get away with negative self-talk, and they expect him to call them out when they slip up as well. Accepting their own issues is key here, and Cinna is dragging Levi kicking and screaming if they have to at a certain point tbh.

Satan💚

Home - Cavetown

Both perspectives, I think. Satan and Cinna bond a lot after Cinna learns to adjust to his wrath, and Cinna confides in him about their mental illness/trauma, gender dysphoria, and feeling broken before anyone else. They both share conflicting feelings towards Lucifer, and have identity issues (for different reasons of course). Of course, they also share a love of literature and cats (and vengeance). They feel they can rely on each other, even if at first Cinna is a bit on edge with Satan. It’s a bit surprising (or perhaps not) that Asmodeus was the first to be romantically involved with Cinna.

Asmodeus💘

Boys Like You - Dodie

This is from both sides. Asmodeus definitely would believe Cinna is only interested because of his status of avatar of lust, and Cinna definitely would think Asmodeus is only interested because they’re an easy target (in the beginning of their relationship). They would be sexually involved first before Cinna ends up realizing they actually like Asmodeus romantically. It’s especially a slow burn romantically since sexual and romantic attraction aren’t necessarily related for either of them (plus it seems like Asmodeus isn’t even used to someone being genuinely interested in him).

Beelzebub❤️

The Jam Song - Steven Universe (feat. Zach Callison and Grace Rolek)

These two aren’t particularly close, but Beel becomes a safe space for Cinna nonetheless. They can hang out in company and Cinna might teach Beel cute little songs (like this one haha) once they’re comfortable enough.

Belphegor💜

Change Your Mind - Steven Universe (feat. Zach Callison)

Both sides…? Mostly Cinna considering lesson 16. They end up being unable to stand Belphegor no matter how hard they try, though.

Lord Diavolo❣️

Heather - Conan Gray

From Diavolo’s perspective. By season 3, Cinna doesn’t really have any romantic interest in him at all, so his confession is… rejected, unfortunately. Dia is constantly watching them be involved with others, even his butler, but they won’t give him that kind of love. Of course, Cinna wants to be his friend, so there’s that!

Barbatos🖤

Dasher - Gerard Way (feat. Lydia Night)

Both sides but mostly from Barbatos’ perspective. Wanting attention, wanting the love that Cinna seems to have, but unable to get himself to grasp it (at first). They definitely are slow burn altogether since Cinna gets super nervous about Barbatos, and Barbatos isn’t sure how Cinna feels. They both think about each other a lot until they end up actually addressing their feelings for each other, which ends up becoming an improvement for both of them.

Simeon🤍

Stiff Kittens - Blaqk Audio

This is kinda weird tbh…? It’s like a push and pull of both perspectives. Lesson 16 and lesson 38 (& 75) make them both change for better or worse, and as time goes on they feel different but intertwined with each other all the same. They become closer through their respective hurdles and have in some ways abandoned their expectations given by each other as well as those surrounding them. Their love remains despite it all.

Solomon🤎

Build a Little World with Me - Laura Shigihara

Both perspectives…? Probably more Solomon. They both end up closer because they’re humans, but also Cinna becoming Solomon’s apprentice. With the fact that Cinna is mortal (for now…), Solomon has to accept they are temporary in his life. He feels happier having someone in his life for genuine companionship, and Cinna loves his company. Solomon’s romantic feelings are on the back burner because of Cinna’s mortality (and apparent lack of romantic interest in him).

Mephistopheles💟

Under My Skin - Jukebox The Ghost

They probably really piss off each other at first, not gonna lie. His pride is somehow not worse than Lucifer’s but it’s a whole different kind of pride and it makes Cinna fucking apeshit. They get to know him better and eventually start to like him quite a bit, but Mephisto seems indifferent towards them at best.

Raphael💔

The Piano Duet - Danny Elfman

I really wanted to keep them all with lyrics but honestly I think this fits Raphael and Cinna well. Raphael slowly letting Cinna in, getting comfortable with them, and eventually they’re romantically involved (probably past season 4). Bonding over small things and admiring each other in small ways until it’s possibly something more.

Thirteen❤️‍🩹

She’s so Mean - Matchbox Twenty

I literally had to rely on the scraps of Thirteen they gave us in season four and my headcanons for this decision. She had the least amount of screentime of the new three ugh. Anyways, I feel like this fits Cinna and Thirteen! Thirteen is a bit sassy and always making traps and trying to kill Solomon. Cinna frankly just finds her interesting honestly. They might get involved at some point but in-game stuff isn’t helping a lot here.

[black-coffee-and-sugar]

Fair warning: it's a long post. Let's examine some of the reasons that Kara has cited why she didn't tell Lena the super secret:

1. She wanted to protect her

Now, this one has some legs on it as Kara specifically mentions it in S3 during a conversation with James and Mon-El. And there's definitely some truth to it. But it's also bullshit. Lena was in constant danger and put herself at risk to save/protect Kara who didn't actually need it. In fact, the first time Lena's mentioned (not shown just mentioned) it's in regards to the venture explosion - something that happened because Lex was trying to kill her. People have been trying to kill, kidnap, manipulate, threaten Lena since minute one. Knowing Kara = SG would not have severely worsened any of that. In fact, it might've helped ease Lena's anxieties and resulted in her taking less risks with her life. In fact, I'm surprised Lena didn't think that Kara's association with her was putting Kara at risk (a far more likely thing).

The 100th episode addresses this to some degree in one of the AUs. Lena tells Kara that she wouldn't have had to risk her life dealing with Sam/Reign alone if she'd known the truth and she's absolutely right. And sure, Lena could've told SG and the DEO when she pieced Reign = Sam together but ask yourself, why would she? What assurance did she have that the DEO would not have treated her BEST FRIEND like a hostile instead of someone in need of help? The DEO is guilty of this and they have a history of locking up aliens indefinitely and on occassion straight up murder. After Reign nearly killed their biggest asset (i.e. SG) why in the hell would Lena trust them with helping Sam? She wouldn't nor should she have. She didn't know that she could go to SG because remember, Lena doesn't think of her the same way she does of Kara. SG is not her best friend. She doesn't have a personal, humanized relationship with her (at least not that she knows of). And obviously she's not going to tell Kara the human reporter with the DEO agent sister about it either. And the kryptonite? SG lost her shit over it even though she's been working with the DEO who stockpiled the stuff until SM left with it (a dumbass move that would've bit them so hard in the ass with the WK situation if it weren't for Lena's kryptonite!). Plus, Kara didn't have an issue with Oliver having a kryptonite arrow, J'onn having a sword. But Lena? How dare she!

So yea no. I get that "I kept my secret to protect you" is a popular thing in the hero world but in the case of Kara and Lena, it doesn't make sense and it did make situations unnecessarily harder.

2. She didn't trust Lena

This is mentioned by Kara to William in a deleted scene from S5 but I think it's worth exploring. I'm not sure to what extent Kara means with this but it could be referring to the moments as SG where she did display a distrust of Lena's intentions and she used Lena's personal relationships against her (i.e. asking James to break into Lena's lab). I mentioned the S3 shitshow with the kryptonite which is where a lot of this started but there's also other scenes in that same season where SG pretty much calls into question the so-called trust she has in Lena despite claiming otherwise. The switch was so abrupt the minute she learned Lena not only had but knew how to make kryptonite. Did anyone ever consider why Lena would bother learning how to make kryptonite? I'd hazard a guess that it was something she was looking into even before Sam/Reign. I think she happened to find Lex's stock and she decided to learn how it works and why it affects the Supers like it does. That would explain how Lena seems to be the ONLY ONE able to make an anti-kryptonite suit and other viable forms of the rock (i.e. Harun el). But no, SG and others immediately jump to the worst conclusions and associate the endeavour with Lena's last name, something SG KNOWS Lena is sensitive about it. And then the harun el. SG was suddenly fine with Lena making it when it was to split Sam from Reign and save Argo from extinction. But when it was used for something else that Lena didn't clue her in on (and what do you know, Alex, Brainy and James didn't either and they KNEW what Lena was doing with it) she got back on her high horse and the distrust became front and centre. You can't trust Lena as Kara and then immediately distrust her as SG and expect her to be accepting of this dichotomy. I'm surprised the woman managed to retain her sanity.

And still, this reasoning doesn't quite hit the mark in comparison to every other insistence of Kara believing in Lena (from day one she even told Clark that she believed Lena after meeting her for the first time). But the contrasting opinions and actions must have given Lena pause. I don't blame her to call into question which version of the truth was real and choosing to believe the worst. It's what SG and the SFs have been doing to her.

3. She was wary of Lena

This isn't an explicitly given reason but I do think it's how the secret keeping started in S2. Frankly, I don't even blame Kara for not showing her full deck in the beginning because she (and even us as an audience) didn't know much about Lena beyond wanting to do good and not be like her family. So no, Kara not telling Lena in the beginning actually makes sense to me (though she told Nia in a split second but that's neither here nor there). For me, I started to seriously take Lena at her word after the Medusa episode. That would've been the perfect opportunity for her to show the true "xenophobic" colours some parts of the fandom accuse her of having and she didn't do it. I don't think she even got so much as a thank you for it. People praise SM for getting Lex arrested but ultimately it was Lena's testimony that got him thrown behind bars. Same thing with Lillian! And yes, the daxamite invasion was facilitated by Lena unwittingly working with Rhea but she fixed it with the lead dispersal bomb, a device she allowed SG the privilege of using or not. So Kara and the SFs being cautious about Lena really should've evaporated halfway through S2 (and it did for Kara at least). In fact, the daxamite invasion may not have happened if Lena knew exactly who Rhea was and her relation to Mon-El because they would've warned Lena about it. Lena did want Kara's advice on Rhea and she would've waited for it if she knew what was going on (i.e. Alex being held hostage) and hell, might've been able to fix it in typical Lena ex machina fashion.

4. She didn't want to lose her

This is probably as close to the truth as we've gotten and it's actually part of her confession in 5x01 (something her outburst in 5x19 tries to undo). But the thing is, Kara KNEW this was a possibility and yet, continued walking towards the deadly cliff with her eyes wide open. The probability of losing Lena got higher and higher as time went on and it was always inevitable. There was always this spotlight placed on Kara telling Lena or Lena finding out on her own but there was always a HUGE chance that Lillian would've told her. Or Lex, which is exactly what happened. And Kara knew that they knew and yet she did nothing about it. The minute kara found out Lillian knew she should've taken action, what guarantee did she have that Lillian wouldn't have gotten bored of waiting for Lena to piece it together? How can they just leave Lillian with dangerous knowledge like that is beyond me. When Alex in particular has made such a big deal about people knowing, didn't want Kara telling Lena, only allowed Kara to tell Lucy to save J'onn and yet, letting Lillian amble about with this info is okay??? Nothing was stopping her from telling Lena or it slipping during one their chess games and definitely nothing stopping Lex from dropping that bomb.

The 100th episode AUs showed us that each time it was Kara telling the truth, no matter how hurt and upset Lena rightfully was, she was ultimately fine with it. And Kara ends up losing her to death, not because Lena walked away. How this wasn't the takeaway message for Kara after that adventure, idk. It was Kara's hesitatancy in telling Lena that allowed Lex to weaponize this secret and twist it into something it never was. And yes, Kara doesn't owe a damn soul her secret and has rarely ever been given the chance to tell anyone on her own terms (James - told by SM, Alex, J'onn, Brainy, Mon-El, the Legion - always knew, Lex & Lillian, Lord & Cat - found out somehow). She only ever got to tell Winn, Lucy and Nia and I'm sorry but none of those people have ever proven themselves trustworthy at the time of the reveal the way Lena has.

So while Kara is every right to keep her secrets, she was wrong to insert herself in Lena's life if she never had any intention of telling her and let's be honest, it really didn't seem like Kara had any timeline on that front.

5. She was selfish

Similar to the above and also mentioned during the confession but this is even deeper. Lena was something of an outlet for Kara, a way to feel completely normal, something she hasn't been able to experience with anyone, even Mon-El. Can you imagine being a cub reporter who knows powerful CEO Lena Luthor and having said CEO choose to spend time with you? Choose to let you interview her when she's wary of the press (remember her interactions with Clark in 2x01 and her family history)? Choose to treat your problems as important and valid and human? I don't blame Kara at all for being selfish with Lena, for wanting to keep Lena all to herself like that. But to not share the other aspects of herself was seriously wrong too and resulted in this imbalance in their relationship. To Lena, it looks like she was giving all of herself when Kara was not. It looks like she put all her trust and vulnerabilities out there when Kara didn't. It looks like Kara was using her (which let's be real, she kinda did a few times in S2 with the fight club and bs article to get info on Lillian and then ofc the CatCo-Edge problem she visited Lena for after ignoring her and proceeding to continue the rejection after Lena said she'd look into it).

You think post-reveal Lena didn't think back to all those moments and have those kinda thoughts? Even called into question what might've been the real reason James dated her and Kara was so insistent on befriending her? Were there perhaps times were she figured it out and can't remember and what's why she chose not to see it? Why do we think she still showed up game night in 4x22 instead of confronting Kara? Because these thoughts amongst others must've been swarming her mind and the only way to keep the upper hand is to continue playing dumb. So yes, Kara made the conscious decision to be selfish with Lena because of the unexpected connection they forged and I get it totally. But Lena has never been selfish and she's always made hard efforts to be a damn good friend (and she was idc what others might think on that) and open herself up to Kara despite how difficult and frankly foreign that is for her.

So are Kara's reasons valid? To a point, I would say yes but their validity waned over the seasons to the point where the secret keeping didn't even make sense anymore.

So was Lena's anger valid? Yes! 100% it was and honestly, I'm surprised she managed to keep it together for so long. I couldn't. But her anger doesn't justify her actions (mind control, manipulating Kara, threatening Russell, holding J'onn's bro captive, putting Hope inside Eve) and how she went out of her way to hurt Kara back. However, I get why she did it though it's worth pointing out that this is the only instances of a betrayal in her life where Lena has gone this far. Bitch straight up spiralled where previously she would cut ties and move the fuck on with life. But with Kara, that doesn't even seem to manifest itself to Lena as an option. Will the show ever address the obvious WHY for this and for Kara being so so terrified of losing Lena (like honestly I have never seen Kara look more distressed).

Maybe, maybe not but regardless I'm not buying this platonic friends nonsense because no one is that devastated over a friendship. Many of us (myself included) have experienced falling outs with very close friends and breakups. Which one do you think the Kara/Lena rift in S5 felt like? It was full on heartbreak, loving someone in complete torment and not being able to stop despite wanting to because even though it's painful, the alternative is infinitely worse.

MB and KM's acting choices aside, these idiot showrunners have brought us to this point with their own narrative and the only logical next step is to make them canon.

Lol okay I'm done.

[vivid-wisp]

You know how it be suffering from big brainrot being into FNF so I’ve compiled a list of ideas for the characters. This is more so for myself but thought I'd share some of my ideas. Take this as you will, these headcanons are based on educated guesses, actual lore, or just for fun. I also really like explaining my reasoning for some stuff so be ready for that. Long post. :]

Boyfriend / BF

- Is asian specifically Japanese, based on the idea how the dev team like to agree Hatsune Miku is BF’s canon sibling. Can also be asian American.

- Despite his appearance BF is actually somewhat physically strong and capable. If he can’t rap battle someone he’d be down to beat someone up, based on the idea how PA (Phantom Arcade) says he sucks at FromSoftware games and would rather throw down IRL than in video games.

- Him and Pico were exes, but they dated when they were WAY YOUNGER, and this was before when BF or Pico knew how to handle a relationship properly. Pico was the one to call things off. (more on Pico’s section) They may still get kind of flustered around each other.

- For most of his childhood, BF never really felt like he stood out. It leads into the reason why he likes singing since it ironically feels like he's being heard, despite not really liking to talk a lot. He was a very quiet kid back then. He'd always liked singing and rapping, he just wasn't put into a position of intense judgement until meeting GF's father and mother, rockstar and ex-rockstar. Training arc begins.

- BF took courses/majored in music design or sound design in college, but dropped out to spend more time with Girlfriend and practice his musical talent himself seeing as it felt more natural than doing boring classes.

- Despite what people think, BF doesn’t dye his hair. It WAS a different color but a shade, like a lighter blue color when he was younger. (Based on Ninjamuffin/NM's recent AMA answers)

- BF owns a dog, not specific but definitely a large breed of dog that stays at home and is taken care of by his parents. He loves a lot of pets and animals, especially anything blue.

- It’s no surprise BF isn’t the smartest, but this comes from a place of putting on the “bad boy” act and being told he’d never make it anywhere in life so he never tried. BF is really a soft guy who deep down has a good heart and just wants to show his appreciation to the person (GF) who makes him feel okay knowing you don’t have to be the best.

- BF actually CAN speak, but chooses to be selectively mute. More so because he’s not the best when it comes to words, and he’s never felt the need to talk. Don’t expect much because like in Week 6, it’ll likely just be random noises he makes or his signature “beeps!” He still reacts, just with noises. (we ignore the logic of him singing it just sounds like beeps to us the players while everyone in universe perfectly understands) [just saw NM's recent AMA I GODDAMN CALLED IT LET'S GOOOO]

Girlfriend / GF

- GF unsurprisingly, has a very wealthy background and in turn family too. So she’s no stranger to most expensive things. This doesn’t mean she won’t appreciate anything BF gifts her, in fact she’s more than appreciative of anything if it comes from BF her love.

- May or may not be a demon like her parents but she doesn’t want to scare BF, and also has slight appearance anxieties about it so she chooses to hide it by staying in her “human” form. She's self conscious of appearing like a demon, and doesn't want to scare people away just based on her look.

- So yes GF can and will in fact beat you up, a lot more than BF if she really wanted to. Especially if she went into her demon form.

- Also not the brightest, due to her extravagant background she’s been so spoiled to the point where everything is handed to her on a silver plate. Which also means her intelligence. They're both himbo/bimbo dynamic I don’t make the rules sorry.

- Actually really good at singing herself too, she’s a bit more wonky with rapping but she’s still good. Ties into the fact GF is the first to teach you how to rap/sing in the tutorial. If she really wanted to, she would destroy BF in a singing battle.

- Kinda aloof and can be apathetic, but more in the sense of “oh cool" instead of a "not caring" feeling way. Like moving on from something that was most definitely not cool like oh my god does that monster with bloody human teeth have a lemon for a head-

- Absolutely adores the large height difference between her and BF. She loves picking BF up suddenly and swinging him around. It’s cute and funny to her. (BF likes the height difference dynamic too but he'd never admit it)

Pico

- Pico never went to college nor finished, instead he takes up jobs from around the city as a mercenary. He's so skilled to the point it pays well enough he doesn't really need a job. He owns a small apartment.

- He likes spending time when he's not on the job, around BF and GF but this is more so at a distance. He does hang out with them, but don't expect him to show up automatically by their side. Like maybe once a week.

- Despite his original job to kill BF, Pico is very protective of BF and looks out for him albeit distantly. He knows BF can handle himself, but he will risk jumping into a situation if BF needs help. ONLY when he needs help.

- Pico still spends time with Nene and Darnell, but this is more so as an acquaintance thing. They're still friends, but all three of their jobs (as assassin and mercs) make things kind of awkward and distance from one another.

- Pico has a lot of untreated trauma, whether that be PTSD, schizophrenia, OCD, etc, a lot of it is very untreated. While Pico is aware he has some mental health disorders he's not aware of ALL of them. He frankly doesn't care nor does he really feel like dedicating the time to properly help himself, which stems from his upbringing in his childhood, "deal with it" attitude back then. He doesn't think it's a big deal, even though deep down he knows he should seek help. Especially after hanging out with BF and GF who, unsurprisingly, are (relatively) normal in the head unlike his friends Nene and Darnell. His disorders disrupt his everyday life and living routine, he can have a lot of very bad days.

- Pico is a wannabe DJ, he likes to sing and rap but prefers the latter and likes listening to music more rather than doing it itself. When he was a kid he liked BF for his passion for singing and rapping, and admired him in a way.

- BF and Pico went to the same elementary school, and were very much friends. After the events of Pico's School, Pico acted very different than how BF knew him, and somewhere along that path BF and Pico decided to date each other when they were in middle school (at 13-14). This was very much a hasty decision and didn't end well. Pico was the one to break things off due to knowing he couldn't handle the responsibility of another person, especially in a relationship. He had too much on his plate already from the trauma that still haunted him, and also was around the time Pico told BF he would be getting homeschooled instead after many years of decision with Pico's parents. It was best to end things before they'd spiral and get worse.

- While BF was heartbroken, he knew it was for the better even if he was upset for quite a bit. After Pico became homeschooled and left middle school, BF noticeably became more quiet until he'd meet GF near the beginning of high school. Pico and BF tried to keep in contact, but eventually naturally just fell out of touch with each other, both too busy with their own lives now. Pico never really resolved his whole feelings issues, which still show up when he'd meet BF years later again but knows those feelings are best left behind.

- While Pico was very surprised and shocked to see BF again despite being commissioned to kill BF, BF himself was too busy being caught up in seeing an old friend again. Whether that be BF was either too dumb to realize he was being killed or because he was genuinely very happy to see his old friend again, the two had a small reconcile after so many years and decided to rap for old time's sake.

[madlymiho]

Hello!!! I was super excited for this event as Halloween is my favorite holiday! I was wondering if I could get Law and Kid reacting to their S.o being a wear-wolf? (Y’know, howl at the moon, transformation sequence and all?) If you want to add it in, maybe they were hiding it so they wouldn’t get hunted down?Keep up the amazing work you beautiful beast!🧡🖤🧡🖤

Hello there 🤓 we can definitely do that here! I'm sorry I'm only answering it now, but I hope it will still be enjoyable 🎃👻

Spookyvent #13

Law

• Frankly, even if he’s someone rather grounded, and used to the various strange elements of this world, Law didn’t see it coming. He didn’t know you were a wearwolf in the first place, but discovered it with time, even if you have never tried to hide it. He knows it’s a part of yourself, and he accepts you no matter what, because after all, his bestfriend is a giant polar bear...

• Though, your first transformations have been quite hectic, and it brought many issues. First of all, it’s absolutely out of question that you turn right into the Polar Tang, because it can be too dangerous for every member of his crew. He doesn’t watnt to take such a high risk, and will do his best to prevent you from harming yourself, or harming anyone among the crew

• Law is definitely the kind of person to dwell into serious researches to discover what might soothe you and help you the most, studying for hours your behaviors, and your patterns, only to find the best solutions to ease your life. Of course, it’s not always easy to feel his intense stare upon your back, or watching you every minute of your life, but you have grown used ot it at some point

• He writes everything down and keeps a little diary of your activities to study your wolf cycles. He even comes to the point that he knows exactly what your growl could mean, what you are craving at specific hours of the day, and how you would react under a certain moon. It becomes a second nature for him, and he doesn’t even have to ask too many questions to understand how you work anymore

• He doesn’t react so much when you’re having your wolf behaviors because he doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable by being slightly different from the others. Sometimes he just checks on you, a sly smirk growing onto his lips, before he eventually pats your head with his palm and goes back to his usual occupations... it’s like, completely normal to see you like this at some point

• Of course, he made some mistakes, something triggering a few catastrophes, but he has always been there to handle them, suffering from bites and scratches from time to time. Yet, he’s perfectly about to accept those damages, comfortable with the idea that you’re turning into a giant wolf at least once a month, because he finds that you’re an extraordinary person

• For sure, Law even found the perfect shelter for you to turn without hurting anyone, nor being hunted by some disgusting folks, making sure that you have everything in that little cave outside to feel comfortable enough. He often spends the entire day preparing it, helping you in the process by giving you some herbs to soothe your anxiety, always there and patient, which is so different from his usual petty attitude ; he’s just worried and wants you to feel at ease

• He’s always the first one to come back in the morning after your transformation, making sure that you’re not hurt, checking on your vitals before eventually kissing your lips tenderly because of course, he’s already worried when he knows you’re on your own, in that second state where nothing can actually reason you. He always fears that someone might hurt you one day, hence the fact he does his best to always protect you, being utterly patient and kind regarding your nature... He loves you so much, he can’t take the risk to lose you

Kid

• For Kid, honestly, the very fact that you’re a wearwolf is damn cool. DAMN COOL okay? This is something he has always admired, the very fact that you’re able to turn into a giant wolf and hunt down people? Hell yeah, it sounds like an awesome pirate story, so for sure he admires you a lot!

• Kid completely ignores the fact that it might be dangerous, nothing is actually too unsafe when you’re living the pirate life, and even if Killer might try to reason him about the fact you literally can’t control yourself if you turn into a big bad wolf with sharp fangs, he will just ignore the warnings. Life is about having some fun and thrill!

• Plus you’re having so many funny behaviors? He sees you stare at the moon with your giant curious eyes, howling at it without any warning, making him burst into an uncontrollable laughter, to the point that he might join you in the process. Acting like a wolf isn’t harmful after all, and he wonders what kind of effect if it can have on you if you’re disturbed by his presence

• No need to say... Yes, he tries to feed you with bones, to steal your food to trigger those animalistic behaviors, to the point that it pisses you off quite a lot! Damn, he’s not wearing that name for nothing, and you really suffer from his lack of seriousness when you often tell him that you don’t want to hurt anyone among your crewmates... At least, the most reasonable one like Killer or even Wire are here to help you...

• Kid eventually changes his mind when he notices how hurtful your first transformation can be, and how wild and dangerous you are. When he sees you all chained up in the jails of his boat, growling, drooling for meat, attacking anyone coming closer, Killer and Wire covered in blood and deep scratches... He doesn’t recognize the person you usually are, seeing the pain and fear in the back of your golden irises. He really didn’t prepare himself, and he feels utterly unwell for a while

• Everything changes after that particular night, Kid understanding that you’re living this experience as a curse and not a blessing, and that you’re afraid of your real nature. And he hates the fact that he didn’t see it before, to the point that other members of his crewmates have been injured, trying to help when it’s his first role as a captain, a second as your life partner. So Kid decides to man-up, and change a few things

• He’s becoming utterly protective towards you, even more than usual, sending dark stares to anyone looking at you for too long. He drags you back on the boat if he believes you might lose your temper, he also makes sure that you are never targeted by dangerous individuals who would just sell you on the Black Market or in Sabaody. You’re his precious lover, and for that, he would fight the entire world to protect you

• Kid prefers to have you on the boat during your transformation, no matter what, turning one of his jail into a cosy shelter. If he has to chain you, he wants to be the one doing it, if he has to stay awake all night long, he won’t move from his chair. He has, for once, the patience of a saint, serious eyes peering down at you each time you’re feeling down because of your nature

• Even if it won’t change his entire pissy and harsh nature, you better be sure that Kid will always be utterly kind with you, at least on a private level, right after your transformation. He bathes you, reassures you, and demands that you stay in his cabin to have some rest. For sure he can be a very dangerous and idiotic man... but when it comes to protect someone he loves, Kid is probably one of the best partner ever existing